The Interview Skill No One Talks About: Genuine Human Connection

If you know me well, you probably know I was in a sorority (Beta Rho chapter of Alpha Phi- Go Cougs!). It helped me build leadership skills, gave me a soft place to land, special lifelong friendships, and I’m still a volunteer today (Sigma chapter at UW HCB President).

Even 20 years later, this time of year, recruitment is on my mind. My brain (and social media algorithm!) is flooded with door chants and memories from both sides of the table. Underneath the aesthetics and choreography of it all, going through formal recruitment can feel like several short, extra smiley job interviews in a row.

While I love interviews now, and most of what I do is coach people to be better interviewers, that’s not where I started! I was terrible at recruitment. I was awkward, felt like I needed to try to make everyone like me, and hated the superficial conversations from the other chapters (“What does your dad do for work?” and “Have you been to Europe?” - Hopefully no one is asking these questions these days!).

What stood out to me about my chapter was that it was clear they wanted to get to know me. My hobbies, what I was excited about, and what I was looking for. They remembered me and topics I brought up in our previous conversations. And they knew I was nervous. Instead of pretending they weren't, they told me about their own experiences and nerves (PSA: Interviewers can be anxious, too!). Their authenticity and vulnerability made it easier for me to be myself.

Twenty years and a whole lot of interviewing later, I think about this a lot.
You can teach someone what questions to ask. You can give them a rubric and a process and tell them what they legally can and cannot say. But being a great interviewer also requires genuine curiosity about the person sitting across from you. It requires listening, paying attention to body language cues, remembering what they say, making someone feel welcome,  creating the kind of environment where the other person feels safe to share.

This is where connection happens, and where you get much better information about whether someone is the right fit. It also takes practice!

These days, a big part of my mission is helping companies build better interview processes and helping the people conducting those interviews get really good at them. I also work with candidates on the other side of the table, empowering them to show up as themselves instead of who they think the interviewer wants them to be.

If your team is hiring and you’re looking for process improvements, or you want to be better at interviewing, I'd love to talk.

Or, if you just want to geek out about the parallels between sorority recruitment and job interviews (and hear some of my cringey stories), I'm always available for that too. 😂

The pic on the left is from a date dash in Fall 2007, the pic on the right is from my book launch May 2026.